Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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