I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating