just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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