Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
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i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
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I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...