i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers