Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.