I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
