she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.