You're so nebulous sometimes
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.