How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
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I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.