she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
zippers are such a cool invention
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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