well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
