i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
