My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize