You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
