So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
