Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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