i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You may now shotgun with the bride
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
