the only muscles i have these days is kegels
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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