i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
