he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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