you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
