Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
