Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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