I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she pinky promised me she was 18
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
