He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Michael Bay diarrhea
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
