God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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