did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.