I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need a burrito and a hug.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.