I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
