you guys were way drunker than both of me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
