drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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