Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
