Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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