im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My life is pants optional.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
ok first of all what the fuck
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
