Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
