we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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