In the future we'll all be gay
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
