Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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