That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
