Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
