i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
