i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
