I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
