if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
