There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
