I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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