Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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