This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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