i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
