the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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