Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
