Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i dont even know how to be here
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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