Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
