My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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