College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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