Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize