Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
what day is it and did you see me today?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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