omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
