you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
