The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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