It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
