Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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