I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
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He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
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Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize