mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
