More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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