yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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