Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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