Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
