He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
