we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
