We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
