I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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