My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
