Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
