that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
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SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
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I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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