Do you still have your period?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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