doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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