I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
