he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
