i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
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So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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