so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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