the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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