A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
is wine microwaveable?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
