And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
and she was petting her beer can
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
