I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
