she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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