My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
