Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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