I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You've changed since you got that strap on
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
